02/08/01 - 12:58 PM

I still masturbate on a somewhat regular basis.

Don't misunderstand. The sex I have is the wonderful, fabulous, best I've ever had type. But my libido is enormous. The need for an orgasm surpasses all my senses on a regular basis. I need to satisfy myself and I need to accept that it was okay for me to partake, despite having a relationship. This was particularly difficult to accept.

I still enjoy this small private indulgence with myself. A moment of self-gratification. It's a different type of orgasm. It's hurried, I don't usually take my time, there's a quick work up and then a powerful, intense tight grip and then small, soft spasms.

Nothing at all like orgasms during intercourse. None of the soul-grinding, amazing, powerful wave of screaming, pulsating convulsions that make my neighbors want to move. There is no moment of Zen in my moment to myself. I don't see colors or collapse in a heap of spent energy afterward.

It's like enjoying the simplistic characteristics of life when you've been exposed to so much wonderful luxury. You love the lavishness but you can still appreciate the plain.

I love to orgasm. I love to feel the release that it brings my body and my mind. My thoughts run clearer, my body feels pleasantly relaxed, the tight tenseness is washed away.

One of my favorite iniquities is the over-orgasmed moments of life. After a marathon of climatic sex, or like right after I discovered masturbating and was a little exuberant, my body would tremble constantly, my knees and legs would be weak, I would have trouble walking if I had been sitting for awhile. My mind would soar among the clouds when I stood up and my movements became small, shaky tributes to inelegance. An exhausted libido is marvelous to revel in. Honesty somehow works its way into your words and the sensation of leisure spills out from your very pores.

So I need to masturbate, to feed my sexual appetite. I like paraphernalia to help me achieve my climax. Sometimes an erotic story or a fantasy work, but on rare occasions only the best pornos will do. I do love pornos. Rare for a woman to say such things, but I appreciate the aesthetically pleasing art of sex movies. Cum shots and the like. It takes me to heights of stimulation that are on entirely different planes of sexual enjoyment.

However, all in all, I prefer the mind-blowing orgasms that Chess gives me to any self-induced climax, no matter how intense.