06/18/00 - 04:18 AM

�She�s changed significantly.�

Words from my ex�s lips, about me.

Changed. I wouldn�t call it change. I would call it evolution. Survival of the fittest.

I evolved. For the first time in my life I recognized my sexuality. I saw the power behind being a woman. I saw the separation between sex and love and I understood it. Love was not a necessity. I took advantage of my awakening and used other people to learn more about myself. How can that be wrong? I needed those people; I need to be with someone again after Jackass. As proof. Proof that he didn�t break me. Here I am, still a woman. Still beautiful to someone. And I saw my importance; I saw how much of an incredible woman is hidden inside of me. And he condemns me.

Because�

�It cheapens what we had��

More words from his lips.

Nothing can cheapen what we had. We had love. Love beyond the primitive moaning and groaning confessed in the throes of ecstasy. We had everything between the two of us. We covered everything. How can it been cheapened by acts of self-satisfaction? Of self-discovery? I loved you. I love you. YOU are the only person that I know I love. Everyone else�.everyone else was just���.pieces. Pieces to gather information about me with. I found the most important things about myself, through you.

�I have no desire to see her��

Don�t believe you. You are afraid to see me. You know that once you look at me, you will realize that you still want me. I am so sorry, darling. I am sorry we have become like this. Me so far ahead of you on the evolutionary path, and you lagging behind. Afraid of me because you think I won�t be satisfied with your Neanderthal morals.

I am not ashamed of what I have done. I needed to be that person for awhile. I needed to learn that way. And if you can not love me because of that�

As much as this tears everything inside of me to complete shreds�.

Then we don�t belong together anyway.