06/23/00 - 02:56 PM

I sent a hesitant, carefully worded email to Andrew. I suppose I will just have to wait and see if he responds�

Jackass asked me to move away with him. Of course, I said no. But for one weak moment I was tempted. Old habits are hard to break I suppose.

My best friend and her boyfriend broke up today. She is torn apart. I wish that I could help her and show her that she will make it without him. But, as I have said many redundant times, it�s not something you can just tell someone. Many lessons have to be learned through the pain of experience.

She is handling it much more rationally than I suspected she would. She knows she will be okay. I see myself in her so much that it scares me. I hope she will make it through better than I did. She went home to be with her family and friends. The exact opposite of what I did. I withdrew completely when Andrew ended our relationship. I cut myself off to nurse my own pain.

Andrew used to always tell me that as long as we loved each other, everything would work out. Nothing could stop us from being together. I believed him. He was na�ve though, and so was I. We both had too much ahead of us to think that time and change wouldn�t cause uncertainties in our relationship. Having blind faith doesn�t make anything true.

I don�t know what I would change if I could go back. I would force myself to appreciate him more, but other than that� Well, our breakup was good for me in a lot of ways. It shed light on my unhealthy dependency on him. And opened up a door of opportunity to learn about the real me. Which is finally emerging after a lot of digging. One thing that I do know, if we were to fall in love again, after all this time, after all this melodrama and separation. We would be stronger than ever.

Unfortunately that is a big IF.

One can always hope though.