06/25/00 - 04:11 AM

Do you ever wish you could peel off your skin and become someone new?

I have settled into this meaningless little life. I walk around with my head in the clouds. I concentrate on the past, the future; I don't even look at the present. It hardly exists to me.

I live everyday discovering some hidden niche inside of me that I didn't know existed. I surprise myself constantly with new bravery and this forceful attitude. I have become the aggressor. My passive attitude has faded as my age quickly climbs.

My skin is shedding. I don�t need to slice it off anymore. Perhaps that was my problem before. I was cutting away to adjust to my circumstances in a very unnatural way. Only time could have provided the environment that would benefit my growth. I am emerging, but I am emerging alone. The urgency associated with my emotional buildup has completely reversed itself.

I wonder if this is the ritual for all young women who are maturing. When is it exactly that the excitement in life becomes so hard to achieve. Maybe we all take it for granted too much.

Bah, I am rambling like a grandfather lecturing his grandchildren on how they need to stop and smell the roses.

But sometimes I feel as that clich� is wonderful advice.